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These elderly women are my new best friends on Weird Twitter



Weird Twitter is a thing that exists. “If you don’t know,” unfortunately there’s actually nothing I can tell you that will sufficiently describe Weird Twitter in a way that could allow me to end this sentence with “now you know.” It’s true. 

Even the New Yorker tried to put its finger on the pulse of this phenomenon, and failed kind of miserably. But basically (watch me fail here), Weird Twitter is, by most accounts, inexplicable bits of outré, out-of-context genius from (hopefully) anthropormorphized conceptual personalities (?). They’re sometimes brilliant, sometimes irreverent, sometimes facepalm-batshit-insane, but always weird as balls (and awesome, because of it).

So it comes as no surprise that Weird Twitter’s latest Internet-humor-defying, crowd-concocted amalgamation is a network of profiles belonging to a bunch of elderly, church-going, vaguely right-wing, but intentionally racist AND unintentionally homophobic women (and possibly a few men), whose banal musings about what to bake prior to Sunday mix with basic Twitter/Internet deficiency, a propensity for the Lord, wholesome pop star/good Christian girl Katy Perry, Satan Lady Gaga, and the occasional deep delve into Internet-culture-based hip hop. I’m not joking. And I’m assuming (hoping), based on that, that this bit hasn’t been done before. But then again, it’s the internet.

According to my best guess, there are between six and 40 or more of these “women.” My official “My Church Group” Twitter list has 47 members. Some are more active than others. Not one is any less intriguing, informative, spiritually guiding than the next.

Peggy Ross, Betsy Reynolds and Barbera Lloyd appear to be the ringleaders of this week-by-week bake-a-thon/geriatric shit-talking fest, with the more recent help of a few additional characters. Altogether, there’s Peggy, Betsy, Barb, Margrett, Gloria, Dorothy, Agnes, Darlene, Beatrice, Deleta, Evlin, Tanya, Cathy, Dorthea, Maxie, Pat, Edith, Shirley, Barb (2), Annie, Ethel, Jane, Soléne, Sandra, and a shit-ton more (pardon me for the swearing, ladies) far below the endless scroll of the Internet’s Twitter dot com.

Seriously, these ladies are amazing. Here’s a bit more context, told in the only way imaginable—their own words.

They met at church.

They’re not good at it, but they’re fascinated with The Twitter.

They’re #blessed.

They love “good Christian girl” Katy Perry.

Ok, they don’t like Katy Perry anymore.

They, uh.

But they’re REALLY ’bout that church life.

And they’re actually ’bout that life in general.

They’re my new best friends.

Lucas Shanks is a writer, editor and creative in New York City. Follow him on Twitter @lucasshanks, even though he’s kind of weird on there. 

Illustration by Jason Reed

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