Warning: This story contains material that may be NSFW.
If you are a gentleman who came of age around the early ’90s, you probably have about a zillion Legos, Lincoln Logs, K’Nex, and other assorted tchotchkes stored in your parents’ attic right now.
Call your mom. Get them out. Then get ready to be very disappointed.
Last week, adult performer and 2014’s XBiz Most Promising New Starlet award winner Christy Mack (NSFW) tweeted the following proposition:
The response on Twitter was enthusiastic, to say the least. Millions of plastic blocks all clicked together in concert:
@ChristyMack challenge accepted pic.twitter.com/jAQn2W4cSi
— Adam Schafer™ (@AdamSchafer36) January 23, 2014
Christy Mack Lego competition... pic.twitter.com/7q5j53nvbJ
— Mitch Butler (@mitchywbutler) January 27, 2014@ChristyMack I'm building you a replica of my vagina as we speak. 😜
— Alektra Blue (@clubalektrablue) January 24, 2014@ChristyMack I'll build Dublin in Lego to get you in the sack #TrackieTuesday#GameDay#ChasingGreatness#AcceptTheBest#FuckTheRest
— Robert Kerr (@Rob_bigsexy) January 28, 2014After Mack set the submission deadline for March 1, the entries started rolling in. Some, clearly, were the result of cursory Google Image searches:
@ChristyMack there is your Koi for your pond… I tried my best! A life size unicorn give me a few days 😉 pic.twitter.com/VRFfsl8fQC
— James Dixon (@JamesDxn) January 24, 2014@ChristyMack@AusLtd okay i form Lego land Denmark no problem to blowjob and Lego Space ship to meet you great day:) pic.twitter.com/TtU3YQxbiC
— Tommy Rock (@blueberets) January 27, 2014While others actually seemed legit:
@ChristyMack its finished, pretty sure I have nailed it. Your gonna have to fly to Ireland but will be worth it. :) pic.twitter.com/ORWhtUEYhp
— Greg Jordan (@gregjordan38) January 24, 2014This dude from Barstool Sports hand-delivered his own construction, a car and a puppy:
Chicken dinner #LEGO@JFeitelberg@ChristyMackpic.twitter.com/9reAeegynq
— Sales Guy (@stoolsalesguy) January 26, 2014And this guy clearly thought he could score points for cleverness over artistry (judging by Mack’s reply, he might actually have been right):
@LucaDiNazareth hahah
— Christy Mack (@ChristyMack) January 26, 2014One enterprising architect even recorded a theme song for the challenge and put it on YouTube:
Unfortunately for Mack’s fans, and toy store proprietors nationwide (who must’ve been really, really confused by the onslaught of adults depleting their Lego stock), the Lego challenge drew to an abrupt close yesterday evening. The starlet tweeted that lawyers for the company had contacted her, objecting to her usage of the Lego name:
The bj competition is off due to lawyers not liking my twitter content. I think it's because they didn't win the competition.
— Christy Mack (@ChristyMack) January 28, 2014Still, it’s not like Mack’s efforts were for naught: she tweeted that she received “over 100 legitimate submissions, and well over 500 shit ones.” We’ve reached out to Mack to see if she’d like to share her favorites, and will update if we get a response from her.
And even if the Great Twitter Blowjob Lego Competition of 2014, not to mention its entrants, never quite reached its natural climax, we’ll always have this gem of a soundbite from Mack to remember it by:
Dibs on putting this on my tombstone, y’all.
Photo via Michael Dorausch/Flickr
