There are many unspoken, sacred rules of life you shouldn’t break, one of those rules being: Never carry a pizza any way besides horizontally.
Twitter user @sad_tree had the misfortune to witness the violation of this precept on a daily basis in his time working at Philadelphia Style Pizza and Subs. A customer named Smith would come in, order two pizzas, and carry them vertically under his arms, regardless of what the employees told him.
“I’ve never hated anyone in my life except this next guy,” the story began. After that, @sad_tree offered us a narrative filled with suspense, memorable lines (one of the cooks muttering “puta gringos” is so great), and an ending that’s just as hilarious as it is infuriating.
May 2016 be the year of viral Twitter stories like this, the Closet Saga, and the infamous Zola myth—and that Smith somehow reads this story and corrects his ways before it’s too late.
